My feet are tapping, my heart is pounding and I sit here wondering how today’s dance shall be performed. Another choreography played out on the stage of life, full of expression, history, crossed perceptions and drama, and at the core of it all, the birth of a baby boy.
No this isn’t another attempt at a nativity play. Today is the day my ex-husband and his soul mate deliver their first son. A day that I am actively involved in (to some degree) and right now, I am quite apprehensive about it, for quite a few reasons.
Firstly it’s about my direct relationship with the family involved. I share two gorgeous children with “the man” in reference. Both children have been counting down , what has been for them, 9 months of an awe-inspiring pregnancy, going to the scans and watching the growth process with great surprise … and often horror and they are very, very excited about the big event and meeting their baby brother – it is so beautiful to watch this unconditional love and acceptance unfold.
I also have a great friendship with both of the adults in this relationship and wish them happiness and love as their family grows and their love multiplies. So most of my apprehension stems from the need for the surgery and delivery to go really well and for Mum and Baby to be in fantastic health.
My second apprehension emerges from the ugly ,dark swamp of Bias, stereotypes and generational perceptions that I have been the victim of, in the not so distant past , from the not to be mentioned “Judgement club”. The club I didn’t even realise existed, until the divorce and then I experienced the other side of the proverbial fence for myself. So naturally(defensively) I am worried what “they” will be thinking and saying today and whether they will be wondering “why on earth I would have any presence at the hospital or around the Mum and baby?”
You see when we got divorced I got told many times that “Our generation” gets divorced far too quickly i.e. It’s too quick and Easy for “Us” to end our marriages. This seemed to be a societal perception at large, as when I questioned “where is this recorded/proven as true?” The response is always the same “Everyone thinks so” In our day we would never do that”
However it seems we may also be quick to make mistakes, get into debt, say what we mean, work more than we play, work more than we sleep,watch too much TV, drink too much alcohol and get far too angry ….. to mention a few more bad traits “Our generation” has.
Is it right to Brand “us” all with the same firebrand? Do we all belong to the same group because we may have one/some of the traits from the list above?
I know that my Ex and I have quite a few of the above mentioned (as most of us do) but I also know for certain that you cannot brand he and I as the stereotypical “divorcees” (whatever that is defined as) because as individuals, as friends and as parents we have come along way. We get along well, we forgave quickly, we moved forward easily, went to kids parties and functions simultaneously and therefore function as Joint parents effortlessly.
Together as parents, we are also quick to act when … we need to action. Quick to defend when someone is in danger. We are quick to take ownership when responsibility is required and we are quick to support when help is needed. We also empowered ourselves, from the moment we made some tough decisions about our relationship, to choose happiness over misery and bickering and realised the value of time and the shortness of its balance.
Is this how “Divorcees” are defined as a stereotypical group ?” Is this how the “Judgement group” see me ? Do all divorced relationships end up like this? Are all people like this?
I believe Everyone is Unique , everyone is individual.Everyone deserves a chance to seen as them.
Is it not time that we stop dancing around the stereotypes that make people feel apprehensive and worthless ?
Don’t see people as a group, see them as the special individuals they are – get to know that person better – as a person.
So I go to the hospital with my head held high today, Schlexir and tissue salts in one hand for the “new” mummy and boy,camera in the other. I’m going to share this special moment with my extended family and my two precious children, absorbing every moment, so I’ll never forget the uniqueness of our life.
Aware of the Brush I may be painted with, I skip , I jump , I avoid the bristles. Enjoying the dance, quick step by quick step …. As you never know when it’s going to be your last step.
If Life was a dance which style would you choose?